Work Life and Life Life

I work for a great company. There are a million different hammers, nails, screws, bunks of lumber, nuts, and wire to build every person on earth a place to live. I work at a corporate office where pressure is required and presence is more important than productivity. Today was a common day of 12 hours. 745am to almost 745pm. The office is silent when I leave. At six I told my boss I felt like I was just getting started. He echoed the comment. He was there too…

Thoughts of Iraq flashed back memories of 16 hour days on the light days and 30-36 hour days on the long; praying the men would get to see their families again, and that no one would fall asleep at the wheel in the convoy. I didn’t mind that lifestyle. Corporate USA is uglier than combat… just less blood and less noise.

I don’t save lives or train folks to close with the enemy and destroy him… nope. What I do is crunch numbers. SEXY! Its 30 days, soup-to-nuts for a job to open and pay. Two years ago, did not look like last year, and last year is 180 degrees from the direct my boss is taking this program. In crunching numbers looking back predicts the future… but just like in life, you cannot steer effectively without looking forward.

So why am I at work so long? Pay? Health Care? Beautiful people? No, No, and sorry, but No.

It’s because I have not found a life that I can wrap my work around…

There is a life that is worth living and work worth doing…

Where, When, and What is it?


Let your work count

Depression (a post that should not have been Posted)


Depression sucks. period. While I could just stop there, I can’t. Maybe I should, but I won’t. I am a lot of things and have had  a lot of things happen to me both good and bad. As a kid and an adult, I’ve had awesome highs and amazingly low lows.

I am an Army Officer and most recently an Iraqi vet and now with the National Guard. I have trained folks for combat in both Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as defense in Korea and maybe a few other places along the way. I have seen blood and gore, life and death and have concluded that it all makes a mark and touches the heart of God.

Each and every person deals differently with the processing of trauma — Even if the  was in pictures only! Movies only! Spoken stories only!

I have lost many friends and it makes me very sad. My biggest challenge, morning their loss. I just cannot shake it off… I could not have trained them any better; provided them anything extra that would have stopped anything from happening… but for some reason that just does not make it better. The sour bitterness of the media seems to spit in the faces of our fallen at times allowing those who question our effectiveness and value to the fight to say that their life was in vain. I can scream no louder, it was not in vain.

I arrived home in 2010 to a fire fight. Wife of 15 years leaves to pursue another (whom left her for another and she for another~). Any funds saved or collected were depleted. Kids were, in my opinion left needing and wanting. This was beyond bitter and far more a story than I will allow here.

Through our fallen Soldiers I still taste the bitterness of divorce, loss, brokenness, and depression. Additionally, each thought of the sadness of divorce and challenges of being a single dad, I feel the loss again of our Soldiers. The two are interchangeable. Each mandated visitation of the kids mother is anouther day the lemon is squeezed in to the cut.

Of late I have suddenly awoken on the floor next to a wall. At other times I just do not sleep. All the bitterness of combat and personal frustrations that spawned from that keep me awake (three of you know the hour this is being written because you too feel similar).

BUT Take Heart

My God is big. Despite the tears and crying, yelling and screaming, cussing and blabbering, He is really crazy about me. About you. He cannot wait to show us a sunrise and rattle the earth with thunder. But this God you must trust. Forget clarity, you have to trust him.

Love wins in the game of depression. God is defined as Love

For those who do pray- Pray!

Take Heart, please.